The Thanksgiving turkey is the centerpiece for any Thanksgiving
dinner. Now, some people may serve ham and others Tofurkey, but
tradition says that a Thanksgiving turkey must be served on Turkey
Day, and thus the name.
A Thanksgiving turkey wasn't always the centerpiece of the meal
as in the pilgrim days, the swan was actually the first centerpiece,
followed by the mule deer.
The swan was a problem because the pilgrim kids and Indian kids
fought over the neck, which started a 17th century race riot, so
in future dinners a mule deer was used. But, the mule deer also
turned out to be an unsuitable choice for smaller gatherings and
it was hard for short people to look over such a large obstacle
in the middle of the table. So, over time, the Thanksgiving turkey
became the traditional entrée and has stayed that way for
hundreds of years.
There are many different kinds of Thanksgiving turkeys that one
can serve for the main meal. For instance, one can serve a plump
Tom or a delicious hen or even a bird that has undergone gender
reassignment surgery. No matter the peculiarities of the Thanksgiving
turkey, the main point is to choose one that is edible.
Choosing a gamy, botulism-diseases or even an anorexic turkey can
spell disaster for any holiday meal. Starving guests with watering
mouths and alcoholic buzzes should not be served bad bird for this
most festive and thankful day of the year.
So, when choosing a Thanksgiving turkey it is best to go with a
name brand and overcook the bird until no juice or disease is left
standing. Make extra gravy so that the guests can cover and moisten
the dry bird. You may even wish to cook the bird in one of those
oil immersion vessels that injure many people every year.
Just remember, the Thanksgiving turkey is the most important part
of this autumn celebration, bar none. So, anything less than perfection
you'll be hearing about for years. Now, there's a little performance
anxiety to throw your way!