Thanksgiving history is a tale worth telling especially in a humorous
manner. For instance, did you know that the first Thanksgiving was
held in 1621 on a big rock on the east coast and was highlighted
when a Native American drove the first Plymouth into the middle
of the festivities?
A little known fact in the history of Thanksgiving is that John
Wayne narrated the event saying things like, "Well Pilgrim,
I see you're still protecting the ladies" and "Hey,
Pilgrim, hand me those mashed potatoes won't you?"
As a narrator, John Wayne had a James Earl Jones quality about
him, only different.
Thanksgiving history states that the first gathering among the
pilgrims (Fred and Ethel Pilgrim, that is) and the Winnebago Indians,
took place in 1621, as previously stated, and was regarded as a
harvest festival event though there were few hippies and Jesus Freaks
and rock bands at the time.
Following a harsh winter in 1620, followed by a drought, prayers
for rain, and a rain that came down like cats and dogs, the autumn
harvest festival featured fine foods such as turkey, giblets,
gravy, mashed potatoes, lettuce, turnip & pea. Pheasants and
swans were also offered and ironically, no one wanted the turkey
wishbone at that time, but the kids all fought over the swan's
She Outgrew Brass Buckles on Her Shoes ...
Thanksgiving history, according to scholars, was an autumn harvest
festival and was a time of overeating, dancing, drinking and merriment,
which was strictly forbidden by the pilgrims' puritanical religion
at the time and doomed all of the participants to an eternal life
in hell or a life of wearing those ridiculous costumes with buckles
on their shoes, whichever, they individually deemed harsher. The
history of Thanksgiving states that pilgrims and Indians played
games such as rugby, Native American soccer, badminton and Jarts.
Thanksgiving Feast with Pilgrims and Native
Some older accounts of Thanksgiving history state that Pocahontas
joined Captain Myles Standoffish for the first Thanksgiving celebration,
but revisionist history states this isn't so as Pocahontas actually
died just a few short years before the first celebration.
According to new data in regards to the history of Thanksgiving,
it is now known that the body of Pocahontas was dug up for the
celebration and propped up at the end of the table. She was regarded
as the wise old aunt who barely spoke a word and probably had
a buzz on as she was smiling the whole time.
What the Heck?
Again in 1621, Governor William Bradford declared Thanksgiving
Day as a national holiday, but since the Revolutionary War had
yet to take place, no one knew what this meant.
In wasn't until George Washington was President in 1789, that
he had the power, after the Revolutionary War to declare Thanksgiving
as a national holiday.
After doing so, George promptly bit into a huge turkey leg and
split in two his fine wooden teeth. George also said, "I
cannot tell a lie, I'm still going to eat that cherry pie."
So, there you have the history
of Thanksgiving, albeit one that is factually incorrect, full
of misinformation, misdirection, miscellany, skulduggery, shenanigans
and downright lies. You were actually expecting the truth? For
more factually incorrect, yet humorous information regarding Thanksgiving
history, check out the rest of this site. Or, not, since we don't
care. We're like that, you know. In case you didn't, well now
you do. And do with this what you will.